how to speak up in a world that won’t stop talking
As a quiet person, it’s common to find yourself in conversations where there’s no natural break for you to insert a question or comment.
You wait patiently, listening, hoping for a pause … that never comes 🤐
I’ve had this experience countless times. And it’s not always bad. I genuinely like to listen to people.
But where I struggle is when I don’t even have space to think. Or I have a question or comment but then the conversation moves on to another topic before I get the chance to say something.
I’ve learned 1 thing for sure -
it does NOT work to simply sit there and wait for a pause. You have to create it.
But how do you create a conversational pause?!
I have a formula that’s been working well for me and my clients. I wanted to share this with you in case this helps, even a little, next time you find yourself fading into the background in a group conversation.
How to create a conversational pause
Step 1: Do something physical to interrupt.
For ex, hold up your hand in a stop sign gesture ✋ or raise your hand. The beauty of this move is it creates a pause without you having to say anything.
Step 2: Deepen the pause with a statement.
For ex, “I wanted to add something here” OR “I wanted to slow us down a bit in our conversation. This feels important and I don’t want to miss anything.”
Step 3: Use your presence to influence the room.
Talk in a deliberately slower pace, and leave long pauses while you’re contemplating what you want to say. The longer you take to share what you want to say, the more opportunities you’re giving those around you to sync up to your slower speed. (And believe me, people often appreciate the experience of slowing down!)
Step 4: Say thanks.
After you’re done speaking, say thanks 🙏 - to both share your appreciation and as a small reminder to the group that some of us need more space in order to fully participate. For ex: “Thanks for slowing down a bit. I sometimes struggle to speak up when things get going so quickly and I appreciate how we just slowed down there, thank you.”
As we show up in this way over time, we start to influence the group conversations we regularly find ourselves in.
And most importantly, we’ve created a way to speak up and participate in a world that often asks us to compete to be heard.
